Suicidal Thoughts

If you are triggered by Suicide and Mental Ill Health, this content may not be for you.

I made this video whilst I was deep into my suicidal thoughts this afternoon and early evening; not afterwards when the thoughts and feelings tend to subside and become diluted and watered down.

This is what living with and through suicidal thoughts is like.

2 thoughts on “Suicidal Thoughts

  1. Ta for sharing.

    People recognise the YIN/YANG symbol of duality.
    Tension occurs between the two sides, opposites attract… and repel. Together forming the WHOLE.
    Night & day. Sun & moonshine. The long night. The darkest before the dawn. The dawn. Noon. Dusk. Night. The cycle of opposites never end.
    Healing is becoming/accepting the WHOLE dynamic.
    (Word ‘heal’ origin is ‘holos’ / whole).
    Paired with gradually ascending the HIGHEST peak is the fastest landslide to the LOWEST bed of a river.
    The higher the high point, the greater the distance to the low point. Such are paired in nature.
    Elation/orgasm are thus paired with grief/suicide. Accept this to transcend each ‘little death’.

    Andrew and Tom are two different people with different personalities (pre-judging the “future self” of any person is a mistake).

    I wish I was in the car there yesterday. I would have given your hand a squeeze, gaze into your eyes, and say these words, “Learn to lean on me my friend. All things grow with love.” (these 5 words are inscribed on a white plaque I have in my clinic room, under a sculpture of a TREE with birds sitting on it’s branches).

    Come to Australia. You are invited to stay at our home (with Wim & me). Rebuild your career (whatever you wanna do). Reconnect with your mates and go on holiday in Boulder.

    No mirages here. Just pure (unadulterated) honesty, affection and care. A REAL home (regardless of what Tom and **** (site admin redaction) do do, and do not do). No strings attached.


  2. After watching again, I wish I could crawl into the screen and give you a BIG hug Mark. Please reach out to chat again so I can help you figure this out. I just wanna bring some happiness into your life again, give you some TLC, and help you create whatever that will make you happy. It starts with STOPping regurgitating the old stuff and START imagining what you really want. You told me you were crap at relationships. That’s a BS copout. You are a million times better than my EX. So much better. You talk yourself down and sell yourself short. You are sensitive. Sexy. Strong. Yet gentle. Emotionally mature. Loved more than you realise. Forget **** (site admin redaction). Remember Tom. Reconnect with me. Share our home. Stay as long as you want.


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